The Story of Us

We've moved!

2008-08-25T09:56:00.001-07:00

Please update your bookmarks.

You can find us here.

To: Avid Shabby Princess User

2008-07-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

1. Mind your own fucking business.

2. Shabby Princess KNOWS about my site, and has reviewed it. I've purchased commercial licenses for the things I've used.

3. Kiss my ass.

I'm so tired of people posting bullshit on my blog. I don't want your opinion. I don't care what you have to say. Jesus people, if you can't show your identity, keep your mouth SHUT.

We're LIVE!

2008-07-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

Over at wordpress - all blogs have been imported.

I'm still working on the RAK button. For now, you can either leave the button you have, or right click and save the button (the link has been updated).

It's not perfect yet, still working out kinks, but I'd still love some feedback!

Also, I'll leave this blog up for a week or so, so everyone can update their links.

http://mymommyhood.wordpress.com/

Hope to see you there!

I'm moving

2008-07-07T18:17:00.001-07:00

This is probably stupid, but within the next week, I'm going to be transferring my blog over to WordPress.

I started a Photography Blog over there and fell head over heels. (I can literally hear my sister rolling her eyes)

I know it's going to be a huge project - and I'll likely lose some readers, AND I have myself linked all over the place. Please, please change your links to:

http://mymommyhood.wordpress.com/

Nothing is set up yet, I'm going to slowly move things over. I'm going to be a real pain because the RAK buttons are going to change (just the link associated with it). Sorry!

I know this is going to be a pain. And, I'm sorry for it. I just need more than what blogger is giving me right now.

I'll let you guys know right before I do it.

Thanks! and Sorry!

Yay!

2008-07-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

We're up to 11 RAKers! Keep spreading the word everyone! This is very inspiring!

RAK: Monday

2008-07-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

This week we're going to compliment people! I want you to dish out AT LEAST one (sincere!) compliment to someone per day.

It can be anyone, co-worker, husband, child or even a stranger. But, it has to be someone different every day.

Tell someone how nice they look, or how smart you think they are. Everyone needs a good compliment.

Now go forth and be kind!!

What a difference a year makes!

2008-07-03T13:55:00.001-07:00

4th of july
Originally uploaded by Jennifer Palao

This is a picture of my sweet girls last 4th of July. They have both changed SO much. Just looking at this makes me misty eyed. Nana was pointing up in the sky, trying to show Pia the fireworks. I just can't believe my "babies" are so big now.

Pia is signing like a champ, completely able to communicate her needs. She's SO smart (I know, all moms say that about their kids!). You can just watch her figure stuff out. She couldn't get on the couch, so she figured out how to push the wipe container over and stand on it! She's got her mama's temper - but even that cracks us up! She knows where her eyes, ears, head, hair, legs, tummy and boobies are. She's so goofy, she pretends to sneeze because she gets a kick out of people saying "bless you". She tries to wink and we about die of laughter.

Nana is speaking so clearly, and amazing me daily. She can be so incredibly sweet. She LOVES her sister so much - it really melts my heart to see them interact (except when they fight, which is more often that I anticipated for a 3 yo and a 1 yo). Her current wish is to get married (to Josh, from Drake and Josh), get a job and have babies. She talks about their wedding all the time - she has such an imagination!

I just love them, so much. It consumes me at times. In the good way.

On: Atheism

2008-07-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

One of my friends shared this link with me. If you want a good chuckle, check it out here. It's Conservapedias definition of Atheism.

Now I could get all offended and pissed, or I could laugh it off. I chose to do the latter. You see, I know most Christians don't feel this way (at least the ones I choose to have in my life) and if they do, screw em. Those aren't people I want in my life. And, I hope they realize they aren't being Christ like.

In light of that, I thought I might just clear up some common misconceptions. These are things I've actually run into in my life.

1. Atheists largely don't hate Christians. Of course you'll find some "angry" atheists out there, just like you find "angry" Christians. They are just angry PEOPLE - no need to attach a faith (or lack of) to it. You will find atheists disillusioned by Christianity, and perhaps a bit angry - but the anger is directed at the faith, not people. Try not to take it personally, these people need to work through it and let it go.

2. Atheists do have morals. Just because God isn't in my life, doesn't mean that I don't know how to be a good person. I do it for myself, not because the bible says. I've actually had someone ask how I set aside time for my family if we're not going to church. Seriously? The only time you set aside for family is Sunday mornings? Because I do it every day. It scares me sometimes when people use God in that way. When I was a believer, I still didn't do good things because of him, but rather because of me.

3. Atheists are not "hope killers". This one really had me laughing. To lump all atheists together and say we go around killing hope by proclaiming there is no God is a joke. I've never, ever told anyone there is no God. I only say I don't believe in him.

4. Atheists will bring their children up as atheists. I fully intend to teach my kids about ALL religions, and let them decide for themselves what they believe in. It's a very personal choice and I will not push my (lack of) beliefs on my kids.

I ran across a blog once, and the title was "Why I Hate Atheists" - this woman was a hard-core Christian. Yet she had a whole blog dedicated to hating people. Again with the unchristlike. I thought the belief was that God would be the ultimate judge - and it's not up to people here to pass judgment?

I have a deep respect for all faiths. I just don't agree with them. I don't let it change the way I view people. Many of my friends are Christian. I respect them and their beliefs. Why can't everyone do the same?

It seems to me so many use the bible to suit their own needs. I have to say that I don't think that was the intended use. People hate gays because the bible said it's wrong. That makes me sick/sad. I feel like anyone can interpret the bible in any way, but if someone is *really* a Christian, they will take the ultimate message that God loves everyone.

Conservapedia says that Atheists are responsible for the "most killing and bloodshed in the world" and there is a picture of Joseph Stalin. Hilter anyone? Or like my good friend Ei said, how about the Crusades? Killers are killers - regardless of their faith (or lack of).

Some more nuggets from the lovely site:
Atheists don't give as much to charity
Atheists engage in immoral activities (homosexual intercourse, co-habitation before marriage)
Christians are more likely to avoid poor mental and physical health
Atheists are more likely to kill themselves

Etc, etc.

It just makes me sad that it has to be one vs the other. There are problems on BOTH sides - people being judgmental and hurtful. I don't understand.

I'll end with my favorite atheist quote!

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. - Stephen Roberts

RAK is on Busy Mommy Product Review!

2008-07-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

YAY!!

I think this is so important, and it's close to my heart. I can't tell you how happy I am to see that button on a blog!!

And now Stacy, at Busy Mommy Product Review wrote a whole post about it!

Thanks Stacy!!

Hump Day

2008-07-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

So today my sister asked if I would meet her at the outlet mall. My day started out way earlier than usual, I still have this fing headache, and she needed to get out, so we agreed to meet at 10.

Things started out just fine. We went to Carters (I puffy heart Carters) where I bought each of the girls a cute pair of sunglasses. Still pretty uneventful. After Carters, Pia decided she didn't want in her stroller anymore. I let her out to walk, and a motorcycle went by and scared a good year off her little baby life. She's very sensitive. She totally ate shit while trying to keep an eye on the bike as if to make sure it wasn't going to eat her.

We then went to eat. I asked Nana what she wanted. She promptly replied ice cream! Umm nope, try again. She wanted nothing but ice cream. Jamie decided to give it a try and got to her agree to a Crabby Patty (otherwise known as a hamburger). Me being mom and all knew this wasn't going to work. She's tried a CP once before - and literally gagged like the drama queen she is. Whatever, we'll try again. Yeah, not so much. Jamie did manage to get her to eat several bites, but her face while chewing was priceless. She'd never make it on Fear Factor.

So we leave and decide to visit a fountain they have (which they give gondola rides on - it's seriously lame - little fountain?). We stay there for a bit and it starts raining. We head for cover, which happens to be Osh Kosh. We shop - found adorable 4th of July outfits - and leave. Walking towards our cars, I notice Nana decided to employ the 5 finger discount on some hair ties. Nice. So, back we head to Osh Kosh with the future felon. I make her give them back to the lady and apologize, explaining to her (while trying NOT to laugh my rear off) that we don't take things, it's stealing, blah blah.

So, we leave. Once I get in the car, nature calls, for me. Not the easy kind either. Now, I'm not a public pooper. I can't do it - I freeze up and my body just won't cooperate. I'm miserable, but stuck.

Then, it starts raining. Again. Hard. I despise driving in the rain, it freaks me out.

So we do make it home, without incident, only to discover I left the garage door open - all day long.

I'm just a mess.

All in all, it wasn't an awful day - I've had much worse.

On: Liking your kids

2008-07-01T18:31:00.000-07:00

I've heard whispers around that some people don't always like their kids.

For shame!

Only I mean for shame that it's only whispers. It shouldn't be one of those "unspoken" emotions. It should be talked about. Because you know what? It's normal. I'd bet everything I have that every.single.mom has not liked their spawn at one point or another.

Is there anyone in your life you like ALL THE TIME??

No matter how much I love the people in my life, I don't always like them. My kids included. They are people too. With their own personalities, attitudes and ideas. You're not always going to mesh with them. That doesn't negate the love you have for them. In fact, admitting this will probably lift the guilt and enhance your relationship. Trust me, they aren't always going to like you.

We, as mothers, need to STOP being so hard on ourselves. Seriously. Yes, this is all very important, but stop spazzing, beating yourself up, drowning in guilt and all the rest. Perfection is over rated.

E-Mail Forwards

2008-07-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

Generally speaking, I hate them. Most are completely useless, false or filled with Christian propaganda.

But, if you're one that enjoys these, I've got a gentle (or not) request.

http://snopes.com/ - a beautiful little site that verifies stories, myths and urban legends. An invaluable tool.

Seriously. Especially with this being a politically heated year. If you insist on forwarding e-mails, check the facts first. Where else in life would you spread information that could be false without checking it first?

This is largely spurned by the Obama e-mails floating around in cyberspace. You know the ones - he's a Muslim, he's unpatriotic, etc.

If anyone bothered to actually CHECK THE FACTS they would see it's all bullshit. And maybe, just maybe the idiot forwards would stop.

My PSA for the day.

Poison (Adult Content)

2008-06-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

So this evening, we're laying in bed and McHusband tells me he's not feeling well.

Great. Everyone knows how incredibly whiny most men are when ill. Just what I need!

I jump up to get the thermometer, take his temp. Nada. He's fine.

So much whining (from him) and eye rolling (me) later, he tells me he knows why he's sick.

Wait for it..........................

"I think it's because I need a hand job. All the old sperm is poisoning me."

*sigh*

And yes, he's still "sick"

Touch Yourself!

2008-06-30T18:13:00.001-07:00

Last day of the month is a great time to do a self breast exam.

Here are some simple instructions from breastcancer.org

Step 1: Begin by looking at your breasts in the mirror with your shoulders straight and your arms on your hips.

Here's what you should look for:

Breasts that are their usual size, shape, and color
Breasts that are evenly shaped without visible distortion or swelling

If you see any of the following changes, bring them to your doctor's attention:

Dimpling, puckering, or bulging of the skin
A nipple that has changed position or an inverted nipple (pushed inward instead of sticking out)
Redness, soreness, rash, or swelling

Step 2: Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes

Step 3: While you're at the mirror, gently squeeze each nipple between your finger and thumb and check for nipple discharge (this could be a milky or yellow fluid or blood).

Step 4: Next, feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then your left hand to feel your right breast. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few fingers of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together.

Cover the entire breast from top to bottom, side to side—from your collarbone to the top of your abdomen, and from your armpit to your cleavage.

Follow a pattern to be sure that you cover the whole breast. You can begin at the nipple, moving in larger and larger circles until you reach the outer edge of the breast. You can also move your fingers up and down vertically, in rows, as if you were mowing a lawn. Be sure to feel all the breast tissue: just beneath your skin with a soft touch and down deeper with a firmer touch. Begin examining each area with a very soft touch, and then increase pressure so that you can feel the deeper tissue, down to your ribcage.

Step 5: Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to do this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements described in Step 4.

Our RAKers!

2008-06-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

Here are the lovely people out there, trying to make this world a better place.

Go show them some lovin!

Anji at I wasn't born a soccer mom
A blog is about life with boys! She's imperfect and proud of it!

Jamie at Simply Jamie
Life with her little man, random musings and great writing!

Stacy at Sara Rose Tutus
A place for gorgeous tutus for the princess in your life.

Stacy again at Busy Mommy Product Reviews
This blog features great (GREAT) giveaways, and insightful product reviews.

HE Eigler at Maternal Spark
A great blog for creative mamas everywhere!

SpunkyMama at Funky Spunky Mama
A great AP mama, with some cool dreds and a sadistic streak when it comes to Barbie

Amy at Five Flower Mom
Mom of many, just trying to make it all work! She's going green, homeschooling and sharing her life.

Original Grits
Not your typical southern belle. She's got a mind of her own, and she's damn proud of it!

Ribbon Rock Star
A very talented mama, making bows, raising kiddos!

Posh Mama
THE Posh Mama - nuff said!

Tricia at Shout!
Funny, very smart, sweet blogger. She will really hit home with you. A must read!

Yay BUTTON!

2008-06-30T12:42:00.001-07:00

It's up!! Look to the right.

All you do is copy the code, and paste it (HTML mode) in your side bar.

Simple!

Don't forget to post here about it, so I can add you to our RAK list!

RAK: Monday

2008-06-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

So, I got great response from my post last week, and decided NOT to give this up. If ONE person does something out of the ordinary, something kind, it's worth it (even if I never hear about it).

I'm also taking the advice of my good friend Stacy (visit her at Busy Mommy Product Reviews) and I'm going to make a button, for you to share on your site (if you want to!) to help spread the word. This is important to me, and I hope it is to you. So keep your eyes peeled for it. If you do install it on your site, comment and I'll comprise a list of those that link to us, and link back to you on our RAK list!

This week, I want you to go buy a card for someone. A generic greeting card is cool - just an "I'm thinking of you" type thing and mail it to someone. Preferably someone you don't talk to often, maybe a far away Aunt, or a friend you miss.

I *love* getting mail (except for bills)! And, if I were to open my mailbox and have a sweet card from someone, well that would just make my day! We often let life get in the way, so lets fix that!

Go forth and be kind!

Hobby

2008-06-28T18:34:00.000-07:00

I fancy myself an amateur photographer. Heavy on the amateur. I do love to take pictures though. I took these today, and just wanted to share. They are not great by any means, but nice enough for a novice like me.

Nana's First Haircut!

2008-06-26T13:18:00.000-07:00

Before:

During:

After:

Mmmm Sausage

2008-06-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

This evening, McHusband was giving the girls a bath and I was in there, watching them play. I've had a headache now for several days that just won't leave (I've got Chiari Malformation, it's a side effect).

I was rubbing the back of my head and McHusband says, "we'll try something later to get rid of that" *wink* - because like all men, he thinks sex is a magic cure for everything.

I said, "you really think slipping me the sausage is going to help??" *sarcasm*

Nana says, "Mmmm sausage. I love sausage!".

Just ick.

The books

2008-06-25T15:19:00.000-07:00

Are back where they belong.

Nana went to throw something away, and saw her princesses in the trash. In her saddest voice ever, she asked "I can't play with them anymore, right? They are gone forever?". I told her that we could take them out of the trash, if she picked up her books.

She did! It worked.

*sigh of relief*

Some days

2008-06-25T11:33:00.001-07:00

I wish I still believed in spanking.

Today, Nana starts screaming (not crying, screaming) out of the blue. I rush into her room, expecting to see blood and bone. Instead, I see that she has managed to spill all of her books from her bookshelf onto the floor. I ask her to calm down, see if she's hurt. She's not, so I ask her to please pick up the books.

"No, I won't pick them up".

Now, had she said, "mama, I need help please", I gladly would have helped her. Instead, I get sass.

I ask her again to pick them up.

"NO - I won't do it! NO NO NO NO"

At this point, I'm frustrated. But, I remain calm. I tell her to pick up her books, or we will have to throw all her princesses (very extensive, prized collection) in the trash. I'm thinking at this point I'm brilliant and am giving myself invisible pats on the mommy back.

"Ok, let's throw them away!" - said with more than a little glee. Sadistic little shit.

Fine. I have to follow through at this point, or else everything up to this has been pointless. I'm rarely pointless.

So, I make her gather all her princesses, put them into a grocery sack (all the while trying to explain that the finality of this, to no avail). We say goodbye and dramatically put them in the trash.

I can't believe it went this far. I expected total meltdown well before this.

15 minutes later, she asks, "Ariel is in the trash?".

Ahhh success!! Lesson learned and now we can move on.

Or not.

"Yep, Ariel is in the trash, along with all your other princesses because you wouldn't pick up your books" says mommy.

"Good job mama! You're such a big helper!".

This parenting thing just gets harder/more interesting by the minute.

RAK Tuesday

2008-06-24T17:20:00.001-07:00

This is going over like a lead balloon, so today might be my very last RAK post.

This week, I want you to buy something for a stranger. Yep, I said it. When you head to the convenience store, and there is a person getting a coke in front of/behind you, pay for them. If you're in the drive through, pay for the person behind you. I know money is tight for everyone right now, but a little kindness could go so far for someone.

Go forth and be kind!

These are my confessions

2008-06-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

I like country music.

I'm currently letting my 1 year old self feed yogurt so I can blog without interruption. Yes the mess sucks, but the time I get is worth it.

We have the TV on Nick most days. I don't care.

I'm addicted to Dr. Pepper. Bad.

I'm an atheist. I cringe when I think about discussing this openly on this blog. It's not a secret, but it's not something I shout from the rooftops either. There is definitely a stigma attached. I don't want people to judge me, though in most areas of my life I don't care. My spirituality (or lack of) is very personal to me, a very long hard journey, and to think that it would change how people view me scares me. But, there is it.

I've been spending more time on the internet than playing with my kids. This is something I'm working on, but the internet can be a bit of an addiction. Baby steps.

I puffy heart nap time. Lots.

Some days I pretend my day was harder than it really was, so I can get some time alone. I know McHusband would "let" me without a hard day, but it makes me feel guilty.

I'm proud of my kids. Very proud. But a tiny part of me thinks they are great without any help from me.

Being a control freak with OCD tendencies makes for some serious struggles in motherhood. Some days I really feel like it holds me back from being the best I can be.

I try like hell not to judge other moms for their choices, but I honestly do when I hear someone uses CIO on their two week old baby. I fully support a mom's right to do what's best for their children, but in cases like this, it can't be what's best for the baby, but rather what's best for the mommy. That's wrong. Sometimes moms needs come first, but never at the expense of the children.

I yell. I like to consider myself a "recovering" yeller - but the truth is I still do it. Nothing sparks my anger like my kids. Reversely, nothing sparks joy like my kids.

When people read my blog, then tell me things like "you're so honest, it's so refreshing" or "I stayed up until 1AM reading, and I cried!" it's one of the best compliments I can get. I write for me, but if I touch/help someone along the way, it means more to me than words can say.

I probably expect too much from my kids. But, if *I* don't, will they expect enough from themselves one day?

I really don't care for other people's kids. I mean, they are (mostly) cute and all, but I don't have a huge tolerance for them. I like my friends kids, but strangers kids typically irritate me (though I keep it well hidden).

As an aside to the above atheist admission, I feel stiled at times in this Christian oriented society. It's assumed frequently that everyone believes in god. It can be frustrating.

I have big boobs and I'm blonde. This does not mean I'm easy or stupid. It's genetics.

I like myself. I'm proud of who I am. I'm not conceited because of this. Just happy with me.

Stomach Flu

2008-06-22T08:39:00.001-07:00

I gots one.

GROAN

Holy babies having babies!

2008-06-20T12:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most of you have heard this story by now. If you haven't, basically 17 16 year old girls in the same town are pregnant - on purpose. They made some sort of pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together.

In the article, it mentions movies (like Knocked Up and Juno) as potentially having an influence on this decision. I find that ridiculous. I didn't think Knocked Up glorified teen pregnancy at all. For one, she was an adult, with a job. Two, it's a movie. A MOVIE. Are we giving these kids enough credit?

Maybe we are though. I can't wrap my mind around wanting to have a baby at 16. Nothing about it seemed fun/exciting/worth it to me.

I'm forced to wonder if it's the "small town" mentality. I hate to group small towns together like this, but in a lot of cases it's true. Are they crying out for attention or love? Are they lonely? I'd love to know what the thought process was behind this.

Also in the article they mention sex education. Sex education wouldn't have helped here. They knew what they were doing - passing out condoms wouldn't have helped. They simply wouldn't have used them. Sounds to me like they HAD sex education - maybe just not the "right" kind.

Is it their socio-economic status? It's a "poor" fishing town. Boredom? Inadequate education? Poor parenting?

Everyone is so caught up in finding who is to "blame" when we should be focusing on these girls. Their mental status, their health and the future of their babies. Talk to THEM to try to figure out what's going on. Stop speculating (yes, I'm guilty of that).

Some Random Thoughts

2008-06-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran to the grocery store. I needed diapers and milk. I walked out with:

Mint Oreos (currently munching)
Chocolate Chip/White Fudge Cookies
Maple frosted cinnamon rolls
Watermelon
Mini-Cupcakes
Frozen Pizza
Diapers
Milk

Healthy - not! I can't even blame AF, as she's on her way out. Apparently I have a huge sweet tooth right now.

Networking is exhausting. I'm trying so hard to get my site, and both my blogs out there - it takes WORK. A lot of work. But, I've met so many awesome people in the process.

My sister, Jamie, is taking a certification test tomorrow, wish her luck!

Windows Vista irritates the crap out of me.

Nana is very, very whiny today.

McHusband has to work tomorrow :(

Pia's diaper rash is looking better :)

I'm addicted to sites like sitemeter, livefeed, etc - pretty much anything that tells me who is coming and where they are coming from. I swear it's becoming an unhealthy obsession.

Shout!

2008-06-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

I've never in my blogging career plugged another blogger. I've come across some great blogs - funny, smart and just great reads. But, I've never felt the need to "share" them (other than blog rolling them).

Enter: Tricia

I "met" Tricia on SITS (click to view their AWESOME blog!). She moseyed on over here and read, then commented (yay! I'm such a comment junkie, it's not even funny). Anyway, I clicked on her and was HOOKED. I've been going back over the past few days, reading old posts. She makes me laugh out loud, she makes me think. She's smart, funny and a fantastic writer. I couldn't not share this amazing woman with you guys.

Check out her site here.

Tricia, I'm glad I "met" you mama!

This week

2008-06-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Has really sucked.

Monday - Pia wakes up earlier than usual. Mom gets her and realizes she has a fever. Pia throws up throughout the day, and is just miserable. Mom is feeling bad for punky (and herself), is hot (high of 100), smelling like puke and all around unhappy. Nana is sassy.

Tuesday - Pia sleeps like crap the night before, so everyone is tired. No more throw up or fever, but lots of screaming (SCREAMING). Mom tries to push fluids (Pia won't eat) and even gives a popsicle. No dice. Mom puts the popsicle on a towel, where it melts for her to later sit in. Mom takes Pia to the Urgent Care Clinic, where she is throughly freaked out by the Dr. There is no receptionist, no one in the waiting room. Just Dr. Doom. He's completely weird and has the worst bed-side manner ever. He gives Mom crap for not vaccinating, and tells her to "make sure the kids stay away from each other" (do you NOT know kids??). Then Dr. asks Mom what type of antibiotic Pia can take because she's allergic to Penicillin (who here went to medical school??). Mom is completely relieved to get out of the office. Pia's poor throat is incredibly swollen and covered in white spots. No strep. When Daddy gets home she locks herself in their bedroom because she simply can't take one.more.second. of screaming.

Wednesday - Pia sleeps decently the night before, and the day starts out pretty well. Then nap time comes and Pia only rests for 20 minutes. That means she's once again a tumor in Moms arms. When Mom attempts to clean, it's a disaster. So, Mom cleans Nana's room with a Pia stuck to her. While cleaning the room, Nana "discovers" old toys that she hasn't played with in DAYS and is absolutely no help. Pia proceeds to whine the entire rest of the day. The antibiotics have given her the runs and she has an awful diaper rash on her poor bum. Mom feels bad for her, but is entirely ready to pack up and head to Mexico (ALONE). Dad works until 6:30 and Mom is in tears by the time he finally gets home.

Thursday - It's 10:16 and Pia's still asleep. Mom is begging for a good day, no more rash and no more whines.

I can't make a baby, mom

2008-06-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

So says my three year old to me this afternoon.

M: Why can't you make a baby?
N: I don't know mom, these wipes don't work, I think we need to go to the doctor (said in her very serious voice)

Translation?

She had opened the diaper wipe container, taken out every.single.wipe and dumped them into her baby stroller, wanting them to magically form a baby. When they didn't, she got very dramatic, scooped them up and ran out of the room sobbing (a la novella), yelling, "it's not my fault!"

I guess it's off to the doctor for us.

Over 800......

2008-06-18T08:34:00.001-07:00

Views in less than a week. Not too shabby.

So, why isn't anyone commenting?? I puffy heart comments - total ego boost for me.

So comment! Even if you don't like what you're reading!

Oh and there are two buttons on the right where you can vote for me ;)

Sassy Style Giveaway

2008-06-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this last week, but totally forgot!

We're having a giveaway on our Sassy Style Blog. It's a game of "caption this" - just post a comment and you're entered! You could win a $25 gift certificate to our site.

Happy Captioning!

New Layout!

2008-06-17T17:14:00.001-07:00

You likey?

My sister Jamie helped! She rocks!

Craptastic Commercials

2008-06-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

This world is full of them!

Here are my personal favorites.

Dixie Paper Plates

You know the one I'm talking about. The one with all the happy mamas and kiddos, eating. Then comes the tag line - some such crap about being a better mom for not "wasting" time having to wash dishes.

Here's a link, if you've not seen it.

Seriously? This is so LAME.

1. Let's imply that ANYONE is a better parent than anyone - based on the dishes they use.
2. Let's promote killing the environment for the sake of family (so says the avid paper plate user).

Here's a solution! Use glass dishes, make the kids wash them - teaches responsibility ;) and saves the environment!

The Charmin Bear Campaign

Can I just say EW?! I never, ever want to see anyone (animal or not) wiping their rear on TV.

Always Pads

Have a "happy period"?? Must have been thought up by a man. Any woman out there knows there is no such thing.

Quizno's Ratthing

Rat and food should never, ever go together. Unless you want people to think of rats when they think of your food?

Any commercial with Billy Mayes

His voice is like nails on a chalk board. He's like the real life Dora the Explorer - has to YELL every.single.thing.

Burger King Big Head Guy

He's just really creepy. REALLY.

Discount Tire Old Lady

You know, the one where she's "returning" it - and chunks it through the window? Lame!

Skittles Commercials

Does anyone really "get" them??

Quit Coddling Your Kids

2008-06-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

My sister sent me this blog.

I read it and loved it! I am so guilty of trying overly hard to protect them, I tend to forget there are lessons that must be learned on their own. I truly don't think the world is a scarier place now than it was when I was a kid - it's just scarier to me because I have two lives I'm responsible for now.

His bullet points are:

Give them some independence - This is the one I'm most guilty of. Kids need to spread their wings (so to speak), figure out who they are, what they like - it's your job as a parent to enable that, and let them do it on their own!

Let them do unsafe things - Don't try to keep them in a bubble. The best way kids learn is trial and error.

Don’t automatically take their side - Kids are human too, they screw up. Just because they are YOUR kids, doesn't make them perfect. Don't excuse their behavior - them being a brat isn't a negative reflection on you, unless you ALLOW it.

Make them work for what they get - You'd think this would be a "duh" type of comment - but you'd be surprised. I know people who give their 3 year olds allowances for nothing. At 3 what do they need an allowance for - and for nothing? We don't/won't do allowances here. If you're helping around the house (the house YOU live in), you won't be paid for it. You will be a productive member of the household because that's what's right, and for no other reason. We never had allowances growing up, and we did lots of chores.

Don’t praise them indiscriminately - My take on this is the sad fact in life is there ARE losers. Not in the negative way, but for there to be a "winner", there has to be a "loser" - and eventually your kids will fall into the former category. If you're constantly telling them how wonderful they are, it's going to be a hard blow for them. I'm absolutely not saying not to praise your kids - but make them earn it!

Sick baby!

2008-06-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Pia's sick :(

She woke up (early) this AM, with a fever. I dosed her with Tylenol and gave lots of cuddles in my bed. She seemed fine, was playing with Nana and laughing. Then she threw up. I don't do well with throw up - at all. In fact Nana has never, ever thrown up (ok, except for the one time I scared her and she barfed - therapy fund anyone?). I've been sooo superstitious about this I've never told ANYONE that we've never had a stomach flu here because I was sure I would jinx myself. I can deal with baby barf - but not milk/oatmeal barf.

Ok, well I delt. Gave her some water and tylenol, more cuddles. She threw up again - ick! Now I can hardly put her down, she feels so rotten, and of course threw up her tylenol.

Wish me luck for the rest of the day!

RAK: Sunday

2008-06-15T18:58:00.000-07:00

I've been remiss in my RAKing.

So here's your RAK goal for the week, remember to post any fun stories you have in relation to this challenge!

This week I want you to SMILE. SMILE at any/everyone. You could change someone's whole day with a simple smile. Plus, it burns calories!

Go forth and be kind!

On: Going Green

2008-06-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

We are "going green" in baby steps.

I do feel it's really important to do what you can to help the environment. The smallest things can make a huge difference!

Some ideas:

Reusable grocery bags - this does cost a bit of money, but it's well worth it in the long run. We buy two bags each time we go grocery shopping. They cost $0.99 each, so not too bad at all! And, it's really amazing how much you can fit in there!

Recycle! Sounds simple, but so many people don't!!!

Cloth Diaper! I'm guilty of NOT doing this (said shamefully) - but we are planning on doing it with our next little one. Diapers take soooo long to break down and they take up quite a big of space in our landfills. Initially, it can get expensive, but you end up saving a ton of money in the long run. Imagine not having to buy diapers every time you head to the store! Here's where I shamelessly plug a cd making mama friend of mine! Her store is here, and she's awesome!

Energy Saving light bulbs - they last forever and are so much better than regular bulbs!

With anything you want to do your research. There are lots of companies claiming to be greener, but make sure and check them out before supporting them/buying their product.

5 things I hate about......

2008-06-14T19:11:00.001-07:00

Being a mom. Because let's be honest, it's not all sunshine and roses.

1. No time alone. This is a big one for me. I'm a loner - I love my own company. Even when they are away, they are with you - in your heart. Hardly a moment goes by that you don't think of them/wonder how they are/what they are doing. Once you're a mother, you're never truly alone again.

2. No more potty privacy. The other day, I found myself trying to conduct private business with two kids and a dog as an audience. Not so much fun.

3. Always having to share. I'm sooo selfish. Nothing is mine anymore - not so crazy about it *pout*.

4. The mess. This house is like a daycare - toys, clothes, shoes, everything, everywhere, always. I don't know who can keep up with this.

5. The emotions. Don't get me wrong, the positive emotions are worth more than words can say. But, there are negative emotions - like worry, guilt and doubt. Raising kids is such a huge job it's natural to agonize over your decisions, worry constantly and let mommy-guilt reign. It's a tough balancing act, because to let the negative emotions take over would be a big no-no.

If you're honest with yourself, and can admit there are things about mommyhood that really blow, you're that much better off. Once you've realized this, thought it out and accepted it, you can move on and be the best mommy you can be!

Who I am.........

2008-06-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

I've never pretended to be someone I'm not. I've never claimed to be perfect - in fact I post often about my flaws. They make me who I am. I'm always honest and refuse to play into the mommy wars. I don't ever try to be better than anyone else. I just try to be the best me. Some people may not like me, and I'm OK with that. I'll never change to please others.

So, who am I? I'm a (in no particular order):

Mom
Wife
Woman
Friend
Lover (not as often as I should be!)
Daughter
Sister
Writer
Moderator
Forum Owner
New Business Owner

With each of these roles come responsibility, work, passion, time, lots of effort and lots of joy. I do my best to do justice to each role, though at times I know I fail.

Finding Balance

2008-06-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

It can be hard. I'm just starting a brand new business, and finding that balance between being a wife, mom, woman, friend, and now business owner has been a struggle.

I've been sinking so many hours into Sassy Style - trying to get it just the way I've pictured it, get samples up, get our name out there, advertise, and think of fun new products, it's been draining me! The past few nights I've been up until midnight (at the earliest!) working, so that my work doesn't interfere with family time. But, even staying up late to work, it still does. I'm tired. I'm more short tempered. I'm on edge about this. I'm probably driving my friends bonkers asking for their input - but this is soooo important to me. I don't just want to be good at this, I want to be great.

So, what has to give? My life was pretty packed before, now it's almost unmanageable. I've been skipping meals to try to make time for this, losing sleep, neglecting my friends, worrying and taking my laptop to bed! So what's giving right now is ME. I know it won't be like this forever, and once we get a solid customer base things will fall into a good routine. In the mean time I guess I'll just be exhausted!

Sassy Style Blog

2008-06-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

Come visit!

http://sassystyledesigns.blogspot.com/

We will have specials and contests not listed on the site!

Don't forget!

2008-06-10T16:37:00.001-07:00

To spread the word!

http://sassystyle.org/

Mention this blog and get 10% off!

Nana and Mama

2008-06-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

Nana is driving me BONKERS. I swear I wanna shake the shit out of her some days. Here was a conversation this am:

Nana: I wanna get Naked
Me: No, you don't need to get naked
N: Why?
M: Because I said so.
N: But I want to!!!! (whine)
M: No ma'm, please put your pants back on
N: But it will make me HAPPY!!! (whine)
M: Sorry babe, I said no - it's done, please don't ask again
N: BUT I WANT TO (yelling and whiny)
M: I said no, if you ask again, you'll go to your room
N: I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!! (crying, whining, yelling)
M: Ok, time to head to your room hon. When you stop being ugly to mommy you can come out and play.

Repeat same conversation, insert different want and that's my day in a nutshell.

My less than stellar

2008-06-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

Mommy moments.

"Please don't punch your sister until she kicks you"

"If you would stop jerking off, you wouldn't spill on yourself"

"You're dancing like a stripper - stop!"

"Please pull your dress down, no one wants to see your junk"

"Sit on your butt and eat, or else I'll steal your ice cream and eat it myself"

"Stop being such a weenie!"

"You're going to break you damn head open if you don't stop it"

*sigh*

I really suck sometimes. I'm only human, right?

Ahhh Politics

2008-06-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

Just a bit of a vent here.

Ok, Obama is now the dem nomination - WOOT. I'm beyond thrilled about this and what it could mean for our country. I don't follow party lines, I vote for who I feel will do the best job.

Now my vent is directed at all the people that supported Hillary, but are now saying they will vote for McCain.

Are you a moron?

Let me guess, you've been bitching about Bush for the last several years, right? So you want McCain why? McCain has voted with Bush something like 80% of the time (and over 90% in 2007) - so you really want McCain?? You want to stay in Iraq? With no plans for withdraw? You want our men and women to continue to die for OIL? Not very patriotic. Our economy is in the shithole, and you want it to stay that way? The thing is, I want to like McCain - I do like him, but he's not the right president for our country right now. 4-8 years ago he might have been.

If it's just a matter of not liking Obama - fine - DON'T VOTE. But to align yourself with someone that is polar opposite of your original candidate out of anger is spiteful, immature, asinine. and just plain stupid. We're talking about the future of this country here - this isn't the prom - so leave the high school bullshit out of it. And, if he does manage to get elected, and you've voted for him, do us all a favor and refrain from bitching about him - you did this, you have no right to complain anymore.

Another note is that I absolutely don't agree with Obama's stance on everything. I don't worship him, or follow him blindly. I am inspired by him, and impressed by him. But not the way he speaks, the way he IS. Should he be elected, he will screw up, he will fall - who doesn't?

And, as far as him being the anti-christ, or bringing on the end days - all I can say is *sigh*.

3 is the new 2

2008-06-07T17:15:00.000-07:00

Terrible twos are a joke when you have a three year old. I know I've bitched about it before, but here I go again.

I think three's are worse because the little shits get smarter. They figure out exactly which buttons to push, and are very, very clever.

We're in the "why" phase - so.freakin.annoying. Seriously. I've not loathed a word so much since she learned to say mama (yes, mama is endearing in the beginning, but only the beginning). Everything I say is met with why - and every answer to why is met with another why and so on. I've resorted to the dreaded "because I said so" - and I figured out why mom's across the world use it - because it shuts them up for 5 freakin minutes. Yes, I'm "that" mom. Whatever.

I also get "but I want it", "it will make me happy", or "but mama" - said in the whiniest voice EVEA. Three is also when their independent streak is really out in full force. It takes forever to get dressed because "I do it myself". It's a huge struggle for me to sit and watch when I *know* I could do it much faster. The control freak in me is really at odds with the mom in me.

I'm now realizing just how hard it is to be a strong, stubborn, single minded mom. You have to overcome soooo much. I'm not even close to being the type of mom I long to be. I'm a work in progress - that likely will never be complete.

On-Line Communities

2008-06-07T16:06:00.001-07:00

I'm a member of a few on line parenting communities and it never fails, drama is rampant, feelings are hurt and the "I'm leaving" posts start. Here is a funny (but serious) look at on-line communities.

Someone posts an opinion and someone else gets all offended. Some I've heard: Baby Einstein videos cause Autism - the vaccine debate - circumcision - CIO - breastfeeding vs. formula feeding - you get the point. The thing is, why get offended? You say it's because they are rude or whatever - but ultimately you have control over what offends you. Some random person hundreds of miles away that you'll probably never meet in person should never have the ability to offend you. Every mom should be confident in their decisions so much that someone's negative remark should roll off like water off a ducks back. Don't get me wrong, I've been guilty of this a time or two - but I can look back and make fun of myself after the fact. On the flip side, if someone is talking about how much they puffy heart BE, don't jump on the thread opening your big, fat mouth and spout off "research" about the link to Autism - it's not wanted/needed. It's fine that you believe it, don't buy them - but keep it to yourself.

"Goodbye" posts - These never fail to irritate the shit out of me. Mostly because the posters never really leave. They do it for attention, and it works. Stop feeding the monster people! It's a paper thin "reason" to have a pity party. I've seen more than my fair share of these, and I've gotten snarky a time or two. If you're serious about leaving, leave. Buh bye. They scream from drama - because someone (perhaps me) is bound to say something rude about how ridiculous the whole post is, then 10 people are going to jump to the OP's defense - then someone gets offended (see above) and it continues to escalate. All very tiring, though occasionally amusing.

Trolls - These are people that join an on-line community for the express purpose to cause strife. They have very few posts, and always have a negative opinion. Usually my method with trolls is to ignore. If you don't feed the trolls, they go away (I'm seriously wondering who came up with this name??). But, there are always one or two people that get offended (see above) and then it's all about the drama. The thing people need to realize is, the trolls are probably 12 year old boys/girls with nothing better to do - and they are likely laughing their asses off at all the arguing.

Fake posters - There are actually people that make up kids, families and struggles for attention. This is the saddest (to me) of all the on line issues. You have to wonder at the mental status of the actual people. They go so far as to post other people's pictures, make up severe illness (usually effecting their children) or even death. I get angry/sick/sad over these people. It's always a bit of a jolt to realize you've been duped. And, I always wonder if there was any trace of truth in their persona. I'm not talking about people that say they weigh 120, when they really weigh 250 - I'm talking about making up a whole life that doesn't exist.

Being Right - Some people would rather be strung up by their fingernails that admit they are wrong, or concede a point. They are so concerned about being right they lose any sense of compassion or understanding. In life, things are rarely black and white. Just because someone doesn't agree with your opinion it doesn't mean they are wrong - just different. Life experiences shape our views in life so unless you've lived the other persons life, you have no idea why they feel the way they do, and it's not fair to speculate. Usually, when someone thinks someone else is wrong, name calling ensues (words like ignorant and such) and we're back to being offended.

There are many, many great things about on-line communities - friendship, support, advice and multiple perspectives. I've met a lot of really wonderful women whom I know consider friends. We've become close and they mean more to me than I can possibly express. I've learned so much from people in all different walks of life, and learned a lot about myself.

Bottom line if you want to become a member - have thick skin, always think before you post, and if you start to get pissed, walk away! Oh, and remind yourself that motherhood is not a competition.

My Little Punky

2008-06-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

Pia amazes me daily. She's SO smart and has quite a personality already!

Here are some fun stories/things she does:

She loves being on the couch. For a little while, she couldn't get up there on her own, so she figured out that she could push the wipe container over and stand on it - then climb.

Any music at all she's dancing - she loves it! I swear it's in her blood. The girl can get down!

Yesterday, she threw a major fit, and I started laughing uncontrollably at her - it was hilarious. Well, she didn't think so, as she got up, walked over to me and pinched the shit out of my arm.

Today, I pulled the laughing at her during a fit again, only this time she turned the tables - laughing and pointing at me!

Aside from those, here's an update on her.

She now has a total of 8 teeth, 4 on top, 4 on the bottom. She's walking like a champ, and signing really great as well. She knows the signs for baby, more, eat, baba, daddy, mommy, kiss, and ball! I'm very proud of her and she picked it up remarkably fast. She's still not sleeping through the night, but typically just wakes up and eats, goes back to sleep. All in all she's a real joy - loves Nana completely, is cuddly and a total mama's girl. I'm head over heels! And I can't believe she's 1!

Nanaisms again!

2008-06-03T18:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight, we were doing the clean-up-before-bed routine, and Abel was "helping" Nana by pointing out what to pick up next. She got all flustered and said "chillax dada" with her chubby little hand held up. She's totally gets that from me.

This kid thinks she's Pia's mom too. When Pia starts to throw a fit, she's always patting her back saying, "it's ok honey! Don't cry". Such a mommy.

Unfortunately, I'm no longer Mommy or Mama - I'm MOM already. **sob** And, when she can't get Abel's attention, he's ABEL!

We took a family trip to Sea World yesterday, and we were getting ready to leave for the day and she informed us, "we are NOT going home!". Yeah, we left!

We're deep into the "why" phase currently. EVERYTHING is met with a why? Drives me bat-shit-crazy.

The other day, I was making lunch, and she informed me she wanted Mac and Cheese. I went to get the Easy Mac down, and she said, "no, not that one, the big and strong one" - I have NO idea what the big and strong one is........so I start pulling out the kind you make on the stove and add butter and milk, nope - not that one. I pull out the fancy kind and she says YES! Nice.

More mac and cheese fun! Today, at the grocery store I picked up a few more boxes of the big and strong mac and cheese, she saw it and said, "yay! high five mom!". The kid is all about that stuff!

On Car Seats

2008-06-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty passionate about car seat safety, though I try to keep my opinion to myself unless asked.

As Pia just turned one, and that's the "magic" age to turn her, I thought I'd blog about it.

We extend rear face. That means my one year old is still rear facing, and will be until 30 pounds. The thing is, one year AND 20 pounds is MINIMUM. Now, where in life do you typically do the bare minimum? If you really don't, why do it now, when it's the safety of your child?

I don't understand many of the "reasons" I hear from people. They feel like excuses.

People say that their legs will be hurt if they are rear facing. Maybe - but I'd rather broken legs than death or a life long disability. It's not really debatable that it's safer - it's fact. In a frontal crash (70some % of crashes are frontal) babies necks are just too unstable.

Another reason I've heard is it's easier - well it's easier to let your kid cry, or give them whatever they want to eat all the time, or not give them baths - so why do the "easy" thing now? And I honestly don't see how it's easier. You put the kid in the seat - facing front or back, it's the same action.

The one that I really roll my eyes over is "they are so much happier!". Ummm, sorry but safety trumps happiness any day of the week. I mean, seriously - you going to give in when they are teenagers on something potentially unsafe because it will make them "happier"?? Doubt it. It's not like I don't understand what it's like to have a kid that hates her car seat. Pia does - she screams A LOT in it. I've heard the "it's distracting when my kid is screaming, so it's safer this way". Umm, what do you do when your kid screams when they are forward facing? Exactly. You can't do anything then either. Trust me, I've got two kids - Pia hates her car seat, and sticks her feet in Nana's face the whole time, so Nana cries. It probably would be easier for me to turn Pia around, but I won't. I'll deal.

People view turning their children at a year a "milestone" - it's not.

Nana is now three and someone recently asked us if she's still in a car seat. Answer is yes. She will continue to be in a car seat (5 point harness) until 65 pounds, then in a backed booster, then a backless booster until I feel that she's safe in a seat belt. I don't care if it's embarrassing for her, or whatever. I cherish my children. I want to do everything in power to keep them safe. This is important to me!

I've heard the "our parents never used car seats and we're safe!" - I probably shouldn't even touch this one, it's that asinine. Kids died "back then" - a lot.

This is the car seat we're getting for Nana:
http://www.gracobaby.com/catalog/product.aspx?modelNumber=8J00BRV&productID=1402&tab=features&CategoryID=&subCatID=

The car seat law in Texas is: 36" AND 5 years they no longer have to be in a booster or car seat. Legally, I could now put my three year old in a booster. That baffles me - her body is not meant to be in a booster right now. She's way too little (and she's 36" tall right now) - she would have bad internal injuries should we get into an accident if she was in a booster. I couldn't live with myself if something happened and it could have been prevented had I done the "bare minimum".

I really believe in this. My intent with this blog isn't to piss anyone off, but to inspire them to do the research. I won't post any of the sad YouTube videos, you can find them yourselves. Just please be smart and safe.

RAK Tuesday

2008-05-20T08:37:00.000-07:00

I've decided to do a weekly blog for random acts of kindness. Just a reminder to be kind, gentle and treat others with respect. I'm going to post a goal, and if you do it, I want to hear about it! The best one I'll feature at the end of the week, so everyone can see how great you are!

This weeks goal is:

Road Rage tone down!

I admit, I suffer from Road Rage. I flip people off, curse them under my breath. I get PISSED! So, I'm asking myself (and you) to be gentle with people. Don't use that horn, don't use that finger and don't cuss anyone out (out loud or in your head). Be kind. Let that person over, give them a wave and a smile if they cut you off. Try to consider maybe they had a really bad day, or just got some bad news. They could very well just be a jerk, but maybe if enough people are kind to them on the road, they'll do some inner soul searching and be kind in turn. It's better for you internally to not get angry.

Go forth and be kind!

To: Anonymous

2008-05-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

I got this comment on my blog:

"Just FYI it is a proven fact that if 20% of the population does not immunize you put others at great risk of those diseases effecting those immunized. The immunizations will not be effective! So for God sakes do your children justice and take care of them!"

And thought I might respond.

If vaccines were so great, how are my un-vax'd children a risk? Do they work or not? How is it "proven" fact? I'd love to see you cite your research.

If you're going to post to insult me, at least have the courage to share your name, it's pretty pathetic that you can't stand behind your opinion.

Oh, and I don't believe in god ;) so I won't be injecting my kids with poison for "his" sake!

I do take care of my kids, good care of them. But thanks!

I've been tagged

2008-05-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

By Karly (http://ournormallife.blogspot.com/)

The Rules:

* Link back to the person that tagged you
* Post these rules on your blog
* Share six unimportant things about yourself
* Tag six people at the end of your entry

1) My toe nails need painted.
2) I pee in the shower sometimes
3) I'm working with Pia on signing
4) It has to be cold for me to sleep
5) I have two dogs
6) I have a toothache

I'm going to tag:
Jess
Dena
Jamie
Krupa
Jodi

New Venture!

2008-04-29T08:54:00.001-07:00

Sassy Style!

Oh Nana

2008-04-09T16:11:00.000-07:00

She's a freaking trip sometimes.

This AM she decided that she HAD to dress just like me. She picked out her clothes (black pants and a gray shirt), insisted on a ring and a bracelet so she was "just like mama!". She's hilarious!

Then the not so hilarious.

She comes up to me with her shirt lifted up, belly pushed out and said, "I have a big tummy, just like mama!".

OUCH!

Vaccine Ingredients

2008-03-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a big, "did you know" for ya (I didn't know all of these).

Here is what is put in vaccines:

Aborted fetal tissue (MRC-5) **No, I didn't make this up, and I'm not going to elaborate. I will concede that fetal tissue is not used is all vaccines, others use chicken embryos or monkey kidney cells**

Aluminum **Research has linked Aluminum with Alzheimer's**

Calf Serum **Human cells and tissue are grown in a culture form and in order for the cells or tissue to grow and proliferate, a source of nutrients, namely hormones and growth factors must be added. The usual supplement is fetal calf serum – also known as fetal bovine serum - a product that is cruelly derived from the fetuses of cows found pregnant at slaughter. Serum is blood without any cells, platelets or clotting factors and fetal calf serum especially, is considered to be a rich source of nutrients.

(How it's collected)

After slaughter and bleeding of the cow at an abattoir, the mother's uterus containing the calf fetus is removed during the evisceration process (removal of the mother's internal organs) and transferred to the blood collection room. A needle is then inserted between the fetus's ribs directly into its heart and the blood is vacuumed into a sterile collection bag. This process is aimed at minimizing the risk of contamination of the serum with micro-organisms from the fetus and its environment. Only fetuses over the age of three months are used otherwise the heart is considered too small to puncture.

Once collected, the blood is allowed to clot at room temperature and the serum separated through a process known as refrigerated centrifugation.

It remains questionable as to whether or not fetuses have already died from anoxia (deprivation of oxygen) prior to serum collection. Nevertheless, no anesthesia is given, despite their possible ability to experience pain and discomfort. **

Culture Medium Components **The liquid that covers cells in a culture dish and contains nutrients to feed the cells. Medium may also include other growth factors added to produce desired changes in the cells.**

formaldehyde **Formaldehyde is a very common and versatile industrial chemical. But, despite its usefulness, it is also one of the most hazardous chemicals in use today.

When inhaled, formaldehyde is highly irritating to the upper respiratory tract and eyes. Formaldehyde concentrations of 100 ppm is immediately hazardous to life and health.

Formaldehyde is an extreme skin irritant and can cause discoloration, hardening or tanning of the skin. Contact with the eyes, depending upon the concentration, can cause injuries ranging from discomfort to loss of vision.

Ingesting formaldehyde can cause reactions ranging from discomfort, to irritation and inflammation of the mouth, throat, and stomach, to severe stomach pains, or even death.

With formaldehyde, symptoms of exposure may not be immediately evident, or symptoms may develop over time.**

hydrolyzed gelatin **A break down of gelatin, pretty harmless**

lactose **A sugar derived from milk**

monosodium glutamate (MSG) **Do I really need to elaborate on this one??**

neomycin **An antibiotic (?) - Neomycin may cause damage to the kidneys and/or nerves. Kidney function and drug levels in the blood may be monitored with blood tests during treatment. Tell your doctor if you experience decreased urination, hearing loss, ringing in the ears, feeling of fullness in the ears, dizziness, numbness, skin tingling, muscle twitching, or seizures which may be signs of kidney or nerve damage.**

phenol **Poisoning can occur when phenol gets on the skin or in the eyes, when it is inhaled, or when it is swallowed. Skin and eyes can be mildly or severely burned, depending on how much and how long the phenol was in contact with them. Breathing phenol vapors can burn the lining of the nose, throat, and lungs, just as it burns the skin. Severe injury to the lungs can cause them to fill with fluid, making breathing difficult. Swallowing phenol burns the lining of the digestive tract and can result in internal bleeding. Generally, the more serious the exposure, the more severe the symptoms. Phenol is absorbed easily into the body through the skin, lungs, and stomach. The brain is very sensitive to phenol. Phenol can cause seizures and coma and may interfere with the brain's control of regular breathing patterns. It can cause dangerous rhythm changes in the heart.**

streptomycin **is an aminoglycoside antibiotic. It is for treating certain bacterial infections, such as tuberculosis, rabbit fever (tularemia), plague, and infections of the heart (bacterial endocarditis). This drug in only available from your prescriber, who decides if you meet certain criteria for the use of this drug. Generic streptomycin injections are available.

Side Effects:
•difficulty hearing
•dizziness
•headache
•loss of balance
•nausea, vomiting
•muscle weakness or tiredness
•pain or difficulty passing urine
•pain or swelling at the injection site
•ringing in the ears
•skin rash, itching and pain**

sucrose **Sugar**

thimerosal (49.6% mercury) **Mercury - nuff said**

yeast **A fungus, commonly used in bread and beer.**

Okay, one could argue that there are trace amounts of each ingredient in each vaccine. But, I'm going to ask why is any amount acceptable?

Sources:

http://www.bionewsonline.com/q/what_is_yeast.htm
http://www.thoughtfulhouse.org/0405-conf-glossary.htm
http://www.drugdigest.org/DD/DVH/Uses/0,3915,8133%7CStreptomycin%2B,00.html
http://www.akochealth.com/tertiary/phenol.html
http://health.yahoo.com/infectiousdisease-prevention/neomycin/healthwise--d00312a1.html
http://www.holisticmed.com/msg/msg-basics.txt
http://www.eas.com/glossary/glossary.asp?glos_pk=131
http://www.sehinc.com/info/safety/s066.htm
http://stemcells.nih.gov/info/glossary.asp
http://www.aahr.asn.au/campaigns/fetal_calf_serum.html
http://www.whale.to/m/aborted.htm

Raising a Toddler

2008-03-12T13:46:00.000-07:00

Let me be the first to clue all your first time moms of babies the hell that toddlerhood is. It's not the "terrible twos". It's the terrible 15 month - 4 years.

When your baby is born, you anxiously await the next milestone. You can't wait for baby to roll over, crawl, sit up, etc. One of the most anticipated milestones is talking. You hear all these adorable stories from your friends about the cute things their toddler is saying. What most are leaving out is the fact that within a few months of them learning to talk, they want them to STOP.

Granted, they do say funny/cute/sweet things. But, the in-between is hell.

Here are some rules they all apparently live by:
Everything must be repeated at least 5 times. Otherwise, mom or dad might not hear/understand you.
If mom or dad says no, whine. Tears help here, too.
Mine, no, why - words to live by.
When driving in a car, yell out the word for everything you recognize. Loud, or they might not hear.
Point out your ouchies multiple times a day.
Announce to the whole world that you have to pee.
While we want mom and dad to listen to us, reciprocation is not necessary.
Picking up 3 toys out of 50 means it's clean.
Sharing is for wussies!
Whatever mom and dad have on their plate is much better than the crap they serve us. Who cares that it looks the same???
If you need more of something, don't ask mom or dad when they are already up, make sure you wait until they sit back down. Furthermore, if you need 2 things, ask for one at a time (again, waiting until they sit down)
Dinner time = Poop time
Talk back - they love it! If they say no, it's because they didn't understand just how serious you were. Show them - throw in some tears.
Destroy things they hold dear, or that are expensive.
Wreck their house! Color on the walls, scratch the floors - it's not like they can make you get a job!
Refuse to say things like, please and thank you. But, make sure to remind them of their manners should they forget.
Beg for chicken nuggets, and if you get them, don't eat them. For even more fun, beg to eat about an hour later - but change it up - you want mac and cheese this time!
Be unreasonable - always.
Insist everything in the house is MINE.
Cry when they change the channel - even if you haven't watched the TV in hours.

So, for you first time moms, be warned. And, be afraid.

Project: JEN

2008-03-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have a really bad habit. It's putting myself last. Some very good friends of mine gently pointed that out to me recently, and honestly it caused a mini-breakdown. It's hard to hear things like that about yourself, and let's face it: Truth Hurts.

See, before I had kids, I'd get pedicures, and manicures, I'd get my hair done at a nice salon. I bought and wore nice clothing. I did my hair and make-up every day. I didn't leave the house unless I looked and felt great.

Now, not so much. While right now, I can't wear jeans, or anything with a zipper or button, because of my hernia, that should be taken care of in a month, and I need to get the rest of me together. I've recently lost 57 pounds, and that makes me feel fucking great about myself. It's given me the motivation to lose even more weight - ideally 40-50 pounds. I don't care so much about the numbers on the scale, or the size, but how I feel about myself. I want to FEEL good. I don't want to be a size 2, because that's not realistic for my age. I want to set a good example for my girls, and be healthy. I want to give them a good self image through my actions.

So, project JEN is about me. I'm going to start being selfish - just a bit. I'm going to join a gym. I'm going to try to dress as nice as I can, I'm going to do my hair, feet, nails and make-up. I realize some of you may think this is all superficial shit, but to me it's important.

I'm also going to talk to my Dr about a new anti-depressant. I don't feel as well as I should, and I'm not afraid to admit that I need help. Self honesty is not a weakness, but a strength.

I won't even delve into the disaster of day 1, because I've already moved on. Let's just say that orange hair ain't pretty on me.

Oh my baby!

2008-03-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

Another Nanaism that I forgot to share.

A while back, Nana grabbed her belly and said, "Oh no! Oh my baby! My baby in my belly!"

Sure kid, sure.

Do you ever feel?

2008-03-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

Since you've become a mom, that you just can't breathe?

I do.

Like I'm so over-burdened with things that the air is just sucked out of me. That the word mommy deflates my lungs.

And then there are times that I can't breathe, because my children simply take my breath away. Their perfection, innocence, beauty can bring me to my knees.

So much of me has changed since I've become a parent. Priorities have shifted, I'm less selfish, I love more, I'm more patient, more tired, more everything.

But, not all of it is good, or healthy.

The biggest challenge I'm faced with is finding balance. Finding time to be me, and Abel's wife. It's a constant learning process, and I'm not doing very well with it right now. The moments of breathlessness tend to be more stifling right now than not.

I'm struggling to be me again. Hopefully I'll find Jen soon.

Nanaisms

2008-03-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

The other day, out of the blue, she asked for a pony. I told her we couldn't get a pony, because ponies cost a lot of money. She replied, "mama, I just go work! I make money!" Pretty sound reasoning, although child labor laws restrict this.

She held up two fingers and said, "mama, you have TWO big boobies!".

There is a hill pretty close to our house, it's like a park or something. We were driving by it, and she proclaimed that it was HER mountain! I corrected her and told her it was for everyone to have fun with. She argued with me for a while, still claiming the mountain as hers. Then she relented and said, "ok, it's for everyone, I love that!". Bipolar!

Just a few I wanted to share before more brain cells die.

Why it's worth it

2008-03-07T13:47:00.000-08:00

This mommy crap.

My post about earlier this week was pretty much a precursor for the rest of my week. It's been rough.

And then.......

You get a moment. A moment that makes all the other bullshit worth it.

I got that moment a while ago.

Snuggled up on the couch with both my girls, Nana turned to me and said, "mama, you my best friend".

Sigh. This is why I'd do this again, in a heartbeat.

My yesterday

2008-03-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

Started out innocent enough.

Nana woke up at 7:15. I was still sooo tired, so I just brought her to bed with me, turned on Dora and dozed. Around 7:30, she said she had to pee. She got up, and a few seconds later, I hearing screaming. I jump up and run, to find her standing outside the bathroom door in a puddle of piss. Apparently the bathroom door was shut, so instead of telling me, she just went.

So her screaming wakes up Pia. I start my morning in a puddle of piss.

I get her cleaned up, and get Pia fed and changed. I decided to run and pick up breakfast for us.

We go to Jack in the Box, and pulling out into traffic, I almost hit someone. Totally my fault - I slammed on the brakes and breakfast goes flying, literally. So I drop an F bomb, to which Nana replies, "mama, you don't talk like that, that's ugly!"

Nothing like getting told off by your almost three year old.

So the rest of the morning passes with no incidents. Pia takes a good nap. When she wakes up, Nana immediately starts in with her - won't leave her alone. I give her two warnings, and she pushes her, so I send her to her room. She is PISSED and her door is halfway shut. She pushes the door so hard that she actually makes a hole in the wall. Such anger!

I head to the mall with them, hoping to distract them. We are in the food court and Nana sees the rides. I agree to let her ride one. There are 3 steps down to the area, no prob getting down with the stroller. On the way back up however, is a problem. We get up two steps and the stroller starts to tip, sending our drinks flying. Luckily some nice older gentleman comes to my rescue!

We get home, and I start dinner. Pia's pretty whiny, but she's tired and at this point it's too late for her to take a nap. Dinner gets made, and the girls sit down to eat. Mid-way through the meal, Nana has to pee. *she does this on her own, I only help if she needs me* Well once again, we are in a piss puddle. Not sure what happened, the door was open. My guess was that she held it too long and couldn't get her pants down. So off I go to clean up piss again.

McHusband worked until 11 last night, so it was all me for bath/bedtime. Poor guy gets home, showers, eats, and goes to sleep only to wake up again at 4:30 to go back to work.

Needless to say, yesterday sucked. Hoping today is better.

On Vaxing

2008-03-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

McHusband and I have chosen to delay/selectively vax our girls.

The vaxs we will not be getting:

Rotavirus
MMR
Chicken Pox
Flu Shot

Here's some fun info from the CDC (with my comments below):

"Vaccines are held to the highest standard of safety. The United States currently has the safest, most effective vaccine supply in history. Years of testing are required by law before a vaccine can be licensed. Once in use, vaccines are continually monitored for safety and efficacy." (http://www.cdc.gov/od/science/iso/basic/parents.htm)

Okay, so what the fuck happened here? http://www.militarytimes.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1560983
Dud Vaccines? Nice. But wait, they are continually monitored for safety and efficacy??

"While some of the sickness or reactions that follow vaccination may be caused by the vaccine, many are unrelated events that occur by coincidence after vaccination." (http://www.cdc.gov/od/science/iso/concerns/)

Not a huge believer in coincidence here. Are we supposed to just buy this shit because the title of the page is CDC? Sadly, so many do.

"However, a decision not to immunize a child also involves risk. It is a decision to put the child and others who come into contact with him or her at risk of contracting a disease that could be dangerous or deadly."

Okay, I hear quite a bit that I'm an irresponsible citizen, that I'm relying on "herd immunity" to protect my kids. Frankly that's a load of bullshit. If YOUR kid is immunized, he/she isn't going to contract the disease from MY kid, because vaccines are sooo effective, right? What do you have to worry about? On the same topic, how many adults have received their boosters? Because without your booster, the vax you received as a child is all but worthless. So, you're a public health threat too.

On Hep B:
This is baffling: Hepatitis B vaccine prevents hepatitis B disease and its serious consequences like hepatocellular carcinoma (liver cancer). Therefore, this is the first anti-cancer vaccine.

About the bolded - I'm just speechless. That has to be one of the most inane statements ever made. Seriously.

Hep B is contracted through dirty needles and sex. Why in the WORLD would I vax my infant against that??? Because she's going to be sleeping around? Not likely. We won't be getting this vax until her teen years. I find it laughable that hours after birth, the government thinks my kid needs to be injected with this.

On Rotavirus Vax:
This is an absolute JOKE. It's a "new" vax that now is NOT recommended because of reported side effects. I just have to refer again, to this statement: "Years of testing are required by law before a vaccine can be licensed." I mean, in the YEARS of testing, no side effects, then it's released to the public and something's wrong? (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/63074.php)

This part is especially funny: "If your child has stomach pain, vomiting and diarrhea, there is blood in the child's stool or changes in bowel movements, these could be signs of intussusception and you should tell the doctor straight away." Umm, the vax is given to 8 week olds - I supposed they will suddenly learn to speak and tell you their tummy hurts? Right.

Rotavirus is (usually) not deadly. Yes, I've heard it's just awful to go through, but for me, the risks way outweigh the benefits.

On MMR:

This one, too, is soo weird to me. Who dies from the measles or the mumps? Seriously. I have NO idea why ANYONE would inject their kid with this crap - for something that is all but eradicated, and isn't deadly. Especially in light of this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-kirby/government-concedes-vacci_b_88323.html

Interesting read, right? Wonder why it's not NATIONALLY known.

I'm no conspiracy theorist, but this REEKS. I'd go with measles over autism any day.

On Chicken Pox:

Again with the non-deadly disease. I'd rather expose my kid to chicken pox than vax against it.

On the Flu:

The flu vaccine protects against just a few strands of the flu. By the end of flu season, there are hundreds of mutated strands. So, no thanks on that very slight maybe.

I'm all for the right to chose, for a parent. I just honestly wonder how many vaxing moms have done the amount of research that I have. Does anyone know what a shot is actually made of? I do. And I don't like it.

Hit me!

2008-02-16T17:29:00.000-08:00

We're a very..............physical house. Nana loves to "fight" - one of her favorite things.

This evening, I was laying across McHusbands back, and she randomly socked me, right in the middle of my back. Hurt like a bitch.

I lay there, planning my revenge, and she sidles up to me, and says, "hit me mama" between bursts of laughter. "Hit me!!!" she thinks it's hilarious. So I jump up and tackle her, and start slugging her. Pia decides to come over and help her mama and starts smacking Nana in the back.

Oh what a household we have.

On Love

2008-02-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

Some days I just get overwhelmed with love for my kids.

I mean, I MADE them - in my body. They are mine (for the moment). They're amazing, perfect, and just mine.

I just love being their mom.

Mommy Lessons

2008-02-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

You constantly have to reinvent yourself.

You'll never, ever know everything.

Once you get one phase figured out, something new pops up.

You have to be a little nuts to be a mom.

You have to learn to laugh at yourself.

Yes, being a mom is a serious job - but make sure it's fun too.

Do all the research you can, then make your own decisions based on what you've learned and your own instinct - nothing is stronger than your "gut".

Take time for yourself - it will only serve to make you a better mother/wife.

Don't dwell on small mistakes - in the long run they don't matter. Take it as a lesson learned and move on.

Don't take it to heart when people criticize your decisions. They usually know nothing about you, your beliefs, lifestyle or children, so whatever opinion they express is uninformed and just doesn't matter.

Say, "I love you" as much as you can.

Stop and smell your child - nothing on earth smells sweeter, live in that moment.

Needing time away from your child doesn't make you a bad mom - aside from being a mom, you're still human. Imperfect.

You will screw up along the way - your child will get hurt - you'll make a bad decision. Who really wants to be perfect anyway?

Don't set standards for you and your child until you really get to know each other. You don't know what you're going to end up doing, so to set expectations is a mistake - you could be setting both of you up for failure. It's ok to hope, but be flexible.

Don't pass judgments on other moms. Just because they don't do things the way you do doesn't make it wrong. You don't know them, or their children. It's ignorant to assume your way is the only way. Is that a lesson you want to teach your children?

Children watch, all the time. When they're young, they want to BE you - so act the way you want them to. Nothing speaks louder actions.

Be kind to yourself. No one will ever judge you harder than you do yourself. So stop. Be proud of yourself for taking on this role, and doing your best.

Being a mom is hard - you're going to have shitty days where you feel like you screwed up your kids royally. You didn't. Just promise yourself to try harder tomorrow. Love them, a lot - tell them they're smart, and fun. Listen to them, really listen and I promise they'll turn out just fine.

Make time for sex. It's important. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a strong foundation. Love your husband, deeply - put your marriage first sometimes. When the kids are gone, he's all you'll have left - you don't want to end up with a stranger.

You will fight more after kids. In the moment, ask yourself if it really matters who changes more diapers, or does all the baths. Chances are the answer is no. Let it go. Focus on the big picture - the fact that you made a beautiful, perfect child out of love for each other. What on earth is more special?

Little Devil

2008-02-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

Nana that is.

Currently, as I right this, she's spitting on her sister for a laugh.

Sad part? Pia thinks it's hilarious.

Yes, I have a therapy fund for the girls, in lieu of a college fund.

Nanaisms

2008-02-01T09:14:00.001-08:00

Just a few funnies that I wanted to share.

The other day, we were sitting at the table eating lunch. Nana finished hers, and asked for some of mine. I shared, and said, "I have some piggies!". She then said, "I NOT A PIG!!!!!! I A COW!!!"

Um, sorry?

Yesterday, we were at my sisters house. She was playing with Jamie's large dog and he was play biting her. She yelled, "don't eat me!!!" I seriously cried I was laughing so hard.

The other day, I got on her for something, and she told me, "it's ok mama, I still love you."

Ima kick your ass. This is a fav.

Nice.

I was eating, and she walked up to me and said, "what are you eating mama?". I answered, "Oatmeal". She then said, "I don't want some, thanks!". Sure thing kid, I wasn't offering anyway!

We went to the grocery store the other night, and she was saying, "hey guys, wharu doin?" to just about everyone in the store.

When she wants something out of me (cookies, chips, etc) she'll give something to her sister and then tell me, "look mama, I sharing!".

She stands across a room from me, and reachs out her hand, then screams, "oh no mama, I can't reach you! You're too high." Ummm, it's far hon - not high.

Abel has been sleeping in the living room for so long, that now it's "dada's room" and I'm not allowed in there anymore. "Mama's room" is our bedroom, yet she's allowed in there all the time.
She has an overactive imagination. She's always an effalant, or babbit, ion, goggy. Sometimes she's mama, then I'm sister and Pia is Nana. When she's "mama", she walks around with her hands on her hips, wagging her finger at us and makes me feel like an ass all around. I NEVER (or rarely) have my hands on my hips.

She asks everyday where dada is. I say he's at work, and then she tells me "dada needs to make mona". Yep, he sure does!

When we go anywhere, she must have on her bracelet, necklace and her purse. She's SUCH a girl, but her favorite thing to do is fart on people. When she farts, she says, "I have a mona (monster) in my butt!". This is my fault. I thought if I told her farts were a monster in her butt, it would prevent her from thinking it was quite so funny. But, in the end it only served to make her nastier, and others not be able to understand her even more.

Pia Dancing!

2008-01-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

8 months

2008-01-29T09:51:00.000-08:00

That's how long we made it breastfeeding.

She hasn't nursed in a week. It breaks my heart - I'm not ready to stop. But, she is and I can't force her anymore. Makes the whole experience unpleasant.

So, I'm pretty proud of myself for making it so long.

But still very sad that it's over. I loved nursing her.

Tomorrow

2008-01-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

Keiran,

Well sweet girl, tomorrow is the big day. Your second birthday. The past few weeks have been pretty hard. I miss you all the time, but moreso during the holidays, and your birthday. When your little brother was born, it was so bittersweet. It was a beautiful day laced with sadness. You should have been there, meeting your baby brother. You should be here now, driving your parents crazy with questions and mischief. But you're not. And frankly it fucking sucks.

I know you don't want us to be sad, and really I try so hard not to be - but I'm selfish and I want you here. So bad. I'd give just about anything to hold you again. To see you open your eyes, hear your laugh, feel your breath on my neck, smell the scent that is toddler hood.

So tomorrow I'll try not to cry, instead I'll try to celebrate the joy you brought us, for the very short time you were here.

I miss you and love you so.

Love,
Mimi

Do you ever wonder

2008-01-24T18:10:00.000-08:00

How people see you? I typically don't, but someone posted this on a bb about me:

Jen, I swear I don't know another mom who seems to have everything "together" like you do. I really look up to you as a Mommy and just a great woman in general. I know things get trying with our LO's, and I'm def not the one to give you advice, just wanted to tell you how wonderful I think you are!!!! HUGS!

I mean, WOW. It's one of the best compliments I've ever received.

So now I'm asking myself if I'm putting up a good front to everyone else, or if I'm just too hard on myself. My guess is somewhere in the middle of that.

Which leads me to question why so many people read my blog. I mean, I've gotten so many compliments on my writing - and it humbles me. One of my friends stayed up until 2 AM reading. She said I had her laughing and crying.

I guess I'm just a bit stunned that people read this once and actually come back!

The Mamas

2008-01-19T18:18:00.000-08:00

I've been spending a lot of my free time on a forum for Mamas.

http://march05mamas.myfastforum.org/index.html

It's just over a month old - and already well over 200 members have registered! It's really taking off much more than I ever thought.

So, if you're a mom, looking to talk to other moms, sign up! (just send me a note first, since all accounts need to be approved)

Anxiety

2008-01-19T18:17:00.000-08:00

I was reading a friends blog, and something "clicked" for me.

I've known for several months that I have a good case of anxiety. I've had a few "attacks" and just general (and social) anxiety.

I've only just now seen how that is negatively effecting my ability to be a good mother. I get anxious, I blame it on the kids - I say I need a break from them. But, the truth is, it's not them - they are my crutch. Yes, they contribute, but after the fact. Then it turns into me criticizing myself and my ability to be a good mom, then I start worrying about what others think of my mothering abilities. It's an ugly spiral down.

I AM a good mother. In my heart of hearts I know this. I have well behaved, happy kids. A happy kid is a reflection of good parenting. They are smart and fun.

I have to get this anxiety under control, so I can be an even better mother to them.

Stuff

2008-01-19T18:16:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been feeling really down. I've been trying desperately to find the reason. Though I have several "surface" reasons, I've been feeling it's something deeper.

My "surface" reasons seem good enough though. The big 10th anniversary of my rape passed.

We're flat broke.

Due to the above, Abel has been working a lot more, which makes me work a lot more.

Again, due to the above, we're fighting more, which leads to a disconnect, which leads to a very heavy heart.

I'm contemplating getting a part time evening job, which depresses the hell out of me. People say it'll be a good thing, but it's called work for a reason. Add 4-5 hours onto a 12 hour day chasing around two kids. Doesn't sound like a bundle of fun to me.

My days are filled with diapers, dishes, Blues Clues. Yes, it's my choice, but it's a hard, hard life and can wear you right down to the bone. Working a "real" job was never this hard.

I'm doing what I've always sworn I wouldn't, and that is lose myself in my roles of wife and mother. I've lost Jen somewhere along the way and I'm terrified I'm either never going to find her again, or I won't like her much when I do. A few hours at a bookstore, or laying in bed alone doesn't cut it. This leads to my unhappiness - and again fighting with Abel, and not being the best mom I can be.

We don't have health insurance - which is stress like you can't know unless you're in the situation. I need three root canals, and a hernia repair. The kids both need check ups, badly, Abel needs a physical. What if (pasta forbid) something were to happen to one of us? The very thought terrifies me.

I'm on anti-depressants, but they just aren't doing shit right now. I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin most of the time. I know I need to switch them, but a few of the above reasons prevent it right now.

I don't like who I'm becoming.

I know this will get better - it's a new year, and Abel has a new job. It's just hard to see the light when the damn tunnel is so long.

Eesh

2008-01-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize how it's been since I've blogged.

Things have been busy around here. Pia's crawling all over the place, getting into EVERYTHING. Nana is 100% potty trained (even at night!). Abel just started a new job at Home Depot, and seems to enjoy it (so far).

I'm feeling blue, can't quite put my finger on WHY. I'm guessing AF is about to visit and that's what has me down.

I'm working on a few blogs in my little brain, and will be posting more very soon.

Perfection!

2007-12-03T08:26:00.000-08:00

Daniel Morgan Little made his debut Wednesday, November 28th at 2:06 PM. He weighed 8lbs, 4ozs at 20 1/4".

Jamie did amazing! She opted for no pain medication and was like a goddess! I was not only allowed to be present, but she let me help her through the pain, and cut Daniels umbilical cord! It was one of the very best days of my life. An amazing moment that I won't ever forget. The look on her face as they placed him on her chest was beyond words.

I'm completely in love with him!

Dear Mr. President

2007-11-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

Just listen.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=52478117

Ramblings

2007-11-26T09:09:00.000-08:00

I'm so worn out from my dear two year old. I love her to bits, but she's such a trial.

She's demanding, impatient, whiny and emotional. I feel like the shittest mom EVER because I must be doing something wrong.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm too much of a perfectionist to be a good, effective mother. I need things to be "just so" and having children makes that impossible.

Example: I'm too uptight to let Arianna help decorate the Christmas tree. The ornaments have a "place" and I have a "design" in my head. It can't be any other way. So, I made her sit there and not "help". That's pretty shitty.

I've tried to relax, but it ain't happening. I can't stand when her face is dirty, or she has something on her shirt. I hate when her hair is messed up. I hate when the house is littered with toys. I so wish I could just go with the flow, but it goes against ME.

I also think it's nearly impossible as a mother of two (or more) to retain your sense of self. Somewhere amid the dirty diapers, 3 AM feedings, runny noses and new teeth I've lost Jen. I swore it would never, ever happen and yet here I am. I'm mom. And I think that's it for now. I miss me. I used to be a lot more fun, romantic, carefree, and happy. My life is filled with Dora, Cinderella, etc. There is never any time to just be. I'd love to get me back, but I don't even know where to start. A few hours alone doesn't come close to doing it. I don't know what the right answer is. Do you sacrifice yourself for a few years, then attempt to find the new you? HOW do you even do that? Especially as a SAHM. Perhaps if I had a job, it would be easier. But, raising my kids is my job right now, a job I'm not going to give up anytime soon. I love and hate it equally.

Chatter of the young

2007-11-11T07:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we met my mom and sister at the outlet mall. It's about a 30 minute drive - and it was filled with Arianna incessantly talking.

Mama, what color is the sky?
Mama, look - a BOAT!
Look at the pretty trees!
Mama look!
Mama, wheres the planes?
Mama, I go see gma, papa, mimi, t, patsa, kiki and my TOYS!
Mama, where's gma?
Mama, we go bye-bye?

All the while, I'm wishing for silence.

Then I catch myself. How beautiful is her chatter? How refreshing. To see the world through her eyes. Isn't that the best part of being a parent? I hear the unrestrained joy in her voice - all because of a boat. A boat. How beautiful the world is to her. Unmarked, fresh, exciting. Each and every "bye bye" a brand new experience.

I stop wishing for silence. Instead, I turn down the radio and relish my sweet, sweet girl. I feel her joy surround me. I, too get excited about the trees, clouds and boats. I connect with her in a way I haven't in a long time. I shed the frustration of the past few weeks, the headache brewing, the tension. And, I just lose myself in her.

The very best place to be is with her. The best scent the curve of her neck. The best feeling is her chubby arms wrapped around my neck. The best sound "I love you mommy".

She's not perfect, but then neither am I. It's nice to realize that and be at peace with it.

Bitchy Mommy

2007-11-08T07:06:00.000-08:00

I'm SO over the "terrible twos"

When I try to explain to people how hard she is to parent, I get the "well, she's two". Right, I know how old she is. But, can you honestly tell me that most two year olds get so upset about getting their hair washed that they throw up?

Probably not.

Being her mother is a struggle. Daily. Most days I don't like it. I hate feeling that way, but that's the honest truth. I am not enjoying her right now. Sometimes she makes me SO angry that it scares me. I wouldn't hurt her (should go without saying), but it's a scary feeling being that angry with a child.

I'm probably not a great mother. I struggle with that, but I do my best. I'm not a touchy feely kinda person - she is. She's always hugging and kissing me. Most of the time I'm fine with it, I even enjoy it - but sometimes it's too much. I need some space. I can't take her living up my ass.

Then there is the issue of my bedroom. It's MY sanctuary. My space. The only place in the house that's not full of kid/baby stuff. She loves to lay in my bed. I get that - but it bothers me. I've started refusing her. She's all but ruined my comforter with juice, cheese, etc stains. I like my comforter. I don't like waking up and stepping on toys. I don't like my personal things messed with. Maybe that makes me a bitch, but at least I'm an honest bitch. Is it really so wrong to want ONE place in my house to myself?

Random mommy thoughts

2007-10-31T12:54:00.000-07:00

Natural Childbirth:
If this is your thing, great.

It's not for me, at all. I'll never understand why woman do it. Why feel pain? Why?????

Anyway - what I don't understand about most women who chose NCB is the way they try to "recruit" other people to their way of thinking. I've never tried to convince anyone to have a C-Section. I've never heard of a mom that chose an epidural trying to talk someone into getting one.

Mommy Guilt:
Can be all consuming if you let it.

Mommies across the world are second guessing themselves on everything. They are berating themselves on each and every decison. If they need time away from their kids - they feel bad. If they punish their kids, they feel bad. It's a vicious cycle. It needs to stop.

I'm guilty of this as well. I think I know why we do this. Being a mother is THE most important job in the world. We are completely responsible for these people, helping to shape them into good, moral people. It's a big job. But, if we try our best, we need to stop feeling the guilt. It's not a good way to live.

My way or the highway:
This is my biggest mommy pet peeve.

Why on earth does anyone feel the need to belittle someone else because their choice is DIFFERENT? Outside of abuse, (and breastfeeding - hee hee) I don't understand why anyone gives a shit what happens in another house.

I chose to occasionally spank. Spanking is often referred to as abuse. I don't feel like it's even in the same state as abuse.

I chose to delay and selectively vaccinate my kids. I get questioned on my decision all the time. I wonder for those moms who DO vaccinate on time - how much research have YOU done? I get treated like my kids are going to start the next polio outbreak.

I won't tell you what I do with my kids unless you ask me (or I post about it here!). I don't feel the need to justify my decisions. I try to be respectful of people that do things differently than me. I just ask for the same respect.

Why can't people just do their thing and shut up about it? It's like moms have to constantly prove that their way is the best way, regardless of how that may make another mom feel.

Breastfeeding thoughts

2007-10-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I'm pretty passionate about this. And of course this blog isn't meant to offend, just say what I'm feeling/thinking.

I didn't breastfeed Arianna. I made all sorts of excuses, but bottom line was I was immature and uneducated (and selfish). I didn't bother to find out the benefits of breastfeeding, and it felt "uncomfortable" to me.

Looking back, it's all bullshit.

It makes me mad when people make excuses about not breastfeeding (without trying it).

To say that it isn't natural is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How could anything be MORE natural that than? If there was milk coming out of your elbow, would you give it to your child? Of course you would. But, because it comes out of your breast it's not natural? Give me a break. Grow up. It's a BOOB. Stop sexualizing it. It's main purpose is to feed your children. The sexual pleasure you get out of them is purely a side benefit.

Then there's the "My husband wants them to himself". So, you'll give your boobs for your man, but not your kid? Even though it's the best thing for them?

And the "I want my body back". Do you? Because now that you have a kid, it's not going to happen. EVER. Your body, possessions, etc are now your childs.

I have the upmost respect for a womans choice to feed their kid the way they want to. But, be real. Say you don't want to. Don't make some of the above crap excuses. And, you really should give it a try. If you try, and don't like it - at least you put forth some effort in giving your child the very best you could.

That's it!

Sometimes.....

2007-10-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

Being a mommy can really suck ass.

It takes ALL my patience, and energy every.single.day.

I sometimes wonder what the hell I was thinking having another one.

It's so freaking hard. Every day. And, I'm dumb enough to stay home. I mean, I'm with these kids 24/7. And, few people "get" just how hard this is. I don't get breaks. I can't pee when I need to. Most days I'm lucky to eat twice. I don't shit alone. My job is seeing to two other peoples needs - no 15 minute break, twice a day with an hour lunch.

And, I never get "off" of work. When someone needs me, I'm there all the time.

It's so draining. And, it's not always that great. I honestly have more bad days than good. That's just the way it goes. In those bad days are good moments, and I guess that's what I still do this.

I'm now convinced that you have to be a little crazy to have kids, and even more crazy to stay home with them.

At the end of the day, there isn't much of "me" left. I hate that. I miss me.

The Mark of a Parent

2007-10-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

I only now fully realize just how much of my was shaped by my parents, and in turn just how I'm shaping my daughters.

My parents had such a hand in making me who I am.

Example: My marriage. My parents are madly in love. Still. Almost 30 years later my Dad is always groping her and checking out her ass. It's cute in a gross way. My point - I waited until I met someone that loved me as much I as my Dad loves my Mom. I wasn't going to settle for less. And now, because of that, my girls are going to grow up seeing our love and won't settle for less either.

They gave me so much - strong morals, a sense of right and wrong, respect, the ability to be a good mother, how to stand up for myself, and countless other things.

The reason moms put so much guilt and pressure on ourselves is pretty simple. We're doing the most important thing in the world. We're raising kids. Not only in our words, but our actions.

Never underestimate the mark of a parent.

Sweet baby girl

2007-09-21T09:56:00.001-07:00

Tales o' Poopy

2007-09-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

The things this kid says and does astound me.

Here are some random tales.

I fixed her some pizza for lunch one day. She didn't want pizza, she wanted chips. I told her that if she finished her pizza, she could have some chips. Two minutes later, she came to me and told me the pizza was gone. I got up, peeked in her room to see where she had stashed it. It wasn't there. I went into the kitchen and saw that she had shoved it back into the pizza box. I took it out, asked her what it was and she ran to her room.

We started 1-2-3, Magic. Day 2 she had been in time out lots of times. I walked by her time out space and saw toys "hid" there. Like I wasn't going to see them..........

Abel took her to the Post Office. A woman joined her husband in line in front of them. She spanked the lady - she thought she cut.

During Pia's ultrasound, Pia started fussing. She annouced, "sister wants to eat boobie!".

I was on all fours over Pia, blowing rasberries on her tummy. She asked if I farted. I told her no, so she went behind me and sniffed my butt (I guess she thought I was lying).

I had just gotten out of the shower and Ari had a red mark on her head.
M: What happened to your head?
A: Dada do!
M: Dada do?
A: No!! Mama do!
M: Mama do, or Nana do?
A: (sigh) Nana do.
M: Did you just lie to Mommy?
A: Yes.
M: Nice girls don't lie!
A: (BIG sigh) I know mama.

I was cleaning out the suitcases from our trip. There were lots of loose diapers. I was throwing them in a pile. She told me, "mama, you make a BIG mess!! BAD mama! Nana fix!". She then picked up all the diapers and put them in a neat pile.

Everytime Pia cries, she yells, "I COMING SISTER!!!". Then she'll tell me that sister wants to eat boobie.

On vacation, she slept in bed with me. She woke up at 7 one morning and I was NOT ready to get up. I told her to go back to sleep. She told me, "mama, I'm NOT sleepy - lets get up!". She won.

Abel and I were eating dinner one night - she refused to eat. She came in the room and loudly say, "HEY!" - like we were sneaking food behind her back - hands on hips and all.

The Other Blog

2007-09-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging here:

http://palaofamily.blogspot.com/

about family things. This blog is mainly for me, my thoughts and feelings. Our "family" blog is about, well, the family!

Three Months!

2007-08-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Three months!

I made it to the three month mark, nursing Sophia.

This might not be a big deal to some, but it's huge to me. I'm so proud of myself and her.

I love nursing her. Love the bond, when she looks into my eyes, when she pulls off of me to give me a huge, milky smile.

I never imagined just how beautiful it would be.

1st and 2nd

2007-08-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

I'm absolutely amazed at the differences between my first and second child. Not just their differences, but the difference in how I do things.

1st - I changed her diaper like every 2 hours, on the changing table.
2nd - I change it when wet, never during the night and anywhere in the house, never the changing table.

1st - I formula fed.
2nd - I'm still breastfeeding.

1st - I dressed her everyday, even if we were just hanging out at home.
2nd - she's in her jammies, unless we leave the house.

1st - She slept through the night at 8 weeks.
2nd - 3 months old, still eating every 3 hours.

1st - Fully vaccinated on time.
2nd - We are delaying her vaccs

1st - Had never heard of "baby-wearing"
2nd - I own a ring sling, mei tai, and pouch sling

1st - Obsessively gave her a bath, every night.
2nd - The first few weeks, she got a bath once a week, now it's every other day.

1st - Took me a long, long time to bond.
2nd - Bonded instantly.

There are hundreds more. I'm just amazed at how different it is.

Motherhood

2007-08-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

I have to vent about this. It's something that absolutely drives me insane.

Why on earth do mothers feel the need to judge other mothers? I think that we should be lifting each other up, celebrating our accomplishments, learning from one another. Instead, so many put others down for not doing things the way they do. It's not fair, it's rude and just plain ignorant.

I don't care what you do at home with your children. FF or BF, your baby is getting fed. Circ or no circ - doesn't bother me, not my penis! Spanking no spanking - good for you! CIO or not - whatever gets your LO to sleep for you. SAH, WOH - whatever makes you happy.

Outside of actual abuse, we should all mind our own business. We are all in the most amazing club - we're mothers. We brought life into this world. It's like the ultimate reason to bond together.

I do think it's human nature to judge others. But, can we please draw the line at motherhood?

Seriously?

2007-08-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

There are a few things that drive me nucking futs. One of them is the incorrect use of the forms of the word to.

Here's a brief breakdown of correct usage - I won't even use grammatical terms, for those that don't understand them.

Too: also, as in - I like that movie too!

To: a place, or thing, as in - what movie do you want to go to?

Two: a number, as in - my daughter is two.

Not hard, right? Then why on earth do people screw it up ALL THE TIME????

Pia's Ultrasound

2007-08-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

Is NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So relieved. We go to a new Ped on Tuesday for a 2nd opinion, and we'll let him do the repeat for the bloodwork. So, we're still not sure what's going on, but at least all her bits and pieces look good.

Thanks for all the e-mails, and good thoughts.

Update

2007-08-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately I don't have a real big update to share.

Monday, I finally got ahold of the ped. She told me that Pia's results came back abnormal, and they want to do an ultrasound and repeat the bloodwork. She didn't give me any info other than that, and before I could ask she put me on hold and sent the nurse back to the phone. Needless to say, we're getting a new ped and filing a complaint with the medical board.

We took her for the ultrasound last night. We had to stop by the peds office to get the orders. Of course they didn't have the orders for the lab work. They are incompetent assholes. Anyway, on the orders for the ultrasound the diagnosis was listed as abnormal labs. For some reason, reading it really made it REAL. I've been living in a fog, doing what I have to, but not really there. I can't sleep, have a hard time eating. It's so unfair that it's been going on for two weeks now.

Freaking Out

2007-08-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

I've been calling Pia's Dr. since Monday, to try to get her blood work results. No one has called me back. I called again this AM. The lady tried to tell me someone would call me back. I told her that this was my 4th phone call, with no call back, and that I would hold until someone could help me. She put me on hold, to go talk to the Dr.

She came back on the line and told me that Dr. Gunsberg is conferring with another Dr. on Pia's results, and that's what is taking so long. She promised that she (the Dr.) would call me back this afternoon.

I'm fucking freaking out. I can't stop crying.

My big girl

2007-07-30T13:13:00.001-07:00

My baby girl

2007-07-30T13:12:00.001-07:00

8 things you might not know about me

2007-07-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

Jamie tagged everyone. I'm pretty much an open book, so this is a bit of a challenge to me.

1. If I had all the money in the world, and extra time (ha ha), I'd go back to school and become a Lactation Consultant, so people wouldn't be afraid to breastfeed in the hospital, like I was.

2. I HATE some of my sisters friends.

3. I also despise my sisters mother in law. She's an ignorant bitch.

4. I wish I was a better mother.

5. When I go to sleep at night, I HAVE to have all doors closed, all the way, or else I can't sleep.

6. I think the word snatch is hilarious.

7. I long to live somewhere else. Maine, Montana, and Colorado are my top three picks. But, I know I'll be in Texas forever.

8. This took me 15 minutes to write. (Is this one cheating?)

Okay, I'm tagging Dena, Jess, Boodi, Lauren and Jodie!